Rise and Fall??

I'm restless.... and distracted... I can barely comprehend what's happening around me... I'm lost in some other world...a realm that deserves no immediate attention... Imagining how the future might unravel or how the past turned into relevant history can take the back seat for now...that's what my parents say!
My friends say i should follow my heart...which at this very moment is beating faster than the wings of a darting humming bird... My heart... it's the same one that led me to this unusual predicament...this nerve racking spot, that is gradually creating the illusion of a dead end. I better not start believing in full stops, they never finalized anything anyway... they're always a way of pushing through right.. after all we can't possibly equate death with closure..Breaking the cycle would never be easier! But my heart can't be a definate and singular choice to stick by...
Like those people on Guiness Prime Time, who balance three china sets on chopsticks, had we had conquered the art of balancing... promiscuous men would have umpteen successful affairs while the faithful one's would stay married till they saw their grandkids go to college! Women would have enough money to buy shoes and fetch the grocceries.. teenagers would not be sitting up at four a.m on a tuesday morning, anticipating {un-eagerly}, the obligatory coaching class, only to return to write about their puzzling life situations on their blog... IS LIFE MERELY THE ART OF INTERTWINING THE DICTATIONS OF THE HEART AND THE HEAD OR ARE THERE REALLY ROSES WE NEED TO STOP AND SMELL ALONG THE WAY ???
While this perplexity corrodes me on the inside, leaving me with migrains and absolutely no appetite for anything...food or otherwise! It's almost impossible to define this cloud hanging over my head... it's not a dark, horrific mood i'm in...i love the way life is proceeding but if only i could make sense of the way things are proceeding... i'm not upset for everything in life is satisfactory without me trying to complicate things... i'm not on the brink of any kind of breakdown or crisis... i'm certain of that...and i havent fought with anybody to be writing this as an outpour of a bitter argument...
This feeling frightens me only because it's the first time in my life that i know not what i'm doing, and therefore, know not what the circumstances of a completely spontaneous life could be... I sense a loss of control that i loathe more than anything in the world... i have to be the one at the steering wheel {in the absence of a better driver}...even if i'm tooh short to obtain a clear view of the road ahead...