Where do i begin when i've come to the end?

The funniest thing about Time is how opinions change ... I've certainly begun to believe in things i never thought i would live to digest.... Like Fate, the potential to actually run into your soulmate, faith in Faith, the importance of being no not Earnest but Honest...little things like that.. I like seeing to Believe rather than instantly put my trust in abstract elements like the above but incidents that occurred in the last one month have certainly forced me to think of chances that such un tangible qualities do exist in the world...
How time flies when you're having fun.. i have fun in mere growth be it a day older or a year wiser?Looking back three years or even two even i was still in school i now see a very different induvidual in photographs... I was such a kid, so young and voluntarily oblivious...clueless , protected and way too idealistic for even wordsworthian and marxist standards. I am not certain that all of the above have been altered by time and experience but there is a visible change in my personality... I love recording Growth.. Physical Growth hasn't really been bestowed on my 5 foot 1 frame so i make up in emotional and psychological developement.
Through all the years i have spent pondering and brooding over various issues ...relevant or otherwise { for all my family who are reading this i assure you its the former....although the rest know how indulgent i am in the latter.} i have seen one constant feature.... the fascinating concept of moving on...never giving into complacency or stangnancy.. a constant motion.Evolution, Developement of all kinds, Growth ,Confrontation , Adjustment...all these owe their existance to the fact that life doenst stop with death... it morphs into the conception for something new and radical and comes back stronger and more effective.{ for Good or Bad or in the case of medicinal breakthroughs like plastic surgery ,.... for the Ugly.}
Wheels in motion.. cogs turning incesantly ... the entire imagery of circular progression is reminded of the wheels of a bus that as if 7 pm tonight will take me to where i came from.. Bombay...
Life goes on.. Last call for all passengers travelling to The Journ E's End.

Priority Numero uno!

so i've come to the end of my holiday... my paradise will be lost in a week and I will have to come crashing down to cold, harsh ,independant reality. Judging by what is required out of adults in today's multi tasking world, the scariest thing for me to execute is growth. Financial management and planning , parenthood, childhood and dozens of tasks that i fail to comprehend or recognize for that matter...how do they do it??
I always thought parenthood was easy once the child was able to understand what was being told to him/her but if i were to make the same statement based on the chaos that prevails in my mind i would be quick to alter the statement. They say life gets easier as one makes his/her place in the world but it doesnt ...not with the responsibilities that are waiting for you to proclaim you're an adult and are responsible enough to carry the onus of daily , recurring problems on your back.
This vacation i got a snap shot of what lies ahead for me... what needs to be done by me for my parents. Someone told me that the entire concept of repayment was silly and bizzare but i think an attempt towards it never hurt anyone... The truth behind my promise to give back to my parents an iota of what they have given to me lies in my belief that although the thought of complete and entire payback is a mission even Ethan Hunt would think about before embarkation, a daughter's duty to her parents must be fulfiled.
I'm a good girl...and that's probably the only thing i can say without thinking twice about or feeling pangs of guilt shooting down my spine. I'm no prodigy ... I'm just a kid ... selfish and sacrificial at the same time,confused and focused as ever ,striving to survive this dual existance without coming off as a hypocrite... realizing more than reminding myself that I am the daughter of two great parents who fight daily to give me a great life...a life of perfection and contentment. And the fact that I have two people who will do anything for me makes me stop and wonder why I think finding "that" special person who would do anything for my love is a priority at all.
I take this fact with me to Bombay, to wherever I take life!

Love takes time ..and a whole bunch of film reel.

These holidays I've seen more romantic flicks than my mind can take.I for one never really believed in the exaggerated notions that these films feed into the minds and more importantly the hearts of the audience. Its irresponsible according to me to show how omni present love-at-first sight is, how normal it is to run and re-run into you "perfect guy" and how the whole world including inanimate elements like Fate and Chance work towards bringing to souls together.Action movies invlove hazardous stunt sequences and are always preceeded by pre-cautionary warnings like the cliche'- "do not try this at home!!" ,but I've never seen a romantic movie containing the words -" this tale is comlpetely fabricated by some fantasy crazy maniac who longs for some excitement in his /her dormant love life!!" or better yet " Do not expect your knight in shining armour to waltz into your life with mannerisms that are closely associated with the fictional junk found in motion pictures' partner in crime -- romance novels. " Yeah! you heard me right Jackie Collins.
i'm not crazy or love thirsty enough to lap up the bull that exists out there and i completely understand the need of my highly intellectual friends to indulge in such illusions as a mere method of doing something with their spare time as opposed to nothing ,but for the rest of the female { and maybe even the" metrosexual" or homosexual } population ... Please snap out of it!
I find myself, like them actually relying occassionally on such stories, however they may be represented , as a yard stick to compare reality and imagination. Don't get me wrong, I for one am a complete movie addict and often find myself losing focus of the fragile, thin line that divides the two .... That's why i think its imperative to voice this particular opinion of mine as hypocritical as it may sound.
Being single and open to love , I automatically am placed with the avid followers of "Sex and city" and "Desperate Houswives" .I love these sitcoms but I hope that they don't define who I am as a person.i realize i'm beginning to try to achieve too much but saying too little, but what I'm really trying to say is that is it safe for potential daters like me to be followers of { which is analogous with being influenced marginally or obsessively by it} such sitcoms, movies and books.For instance I don't want to have be judged just because I happened to mention that I love Carrie , Sam and Charlotte but I think I'm more of a Miranda and then be subjected to pity stares and be recommended to various local psychiatrists.
Romantic Comedies...A woman's best friend or arc- rival? That's the question I'm dying to find an answer to . Who knows maybe I'm onto something here...with proper research and surveys I might actually crack the mystery of the feminine dependancy on sappy love stories .

daniel powter's "bad day" never seemed more significant!

whoever said "you'll never miss what matters most to you till you've lost it" knew exactly what a tremendous loss felt like... I relate to that feeling but i don't want to associate it with an automatic assumption of depression. i've come home to find changes in every possible area of my life which is only expected and yet i cant help but think of a the future...i know i already have disclosed to y'all my problem of anticipating what might never come and this shows i atill am stuck on it . I clearly have a problem accepting change especially when my life is stagnant as a placid pool but we all need to move on right?? then why is so easy to write it rather than implement.?
We all go through phases which could include huge dozes of excitment and thrill and then there are those dull, lifeless dips which prove to be more effective than sleeping pills. The trick is to hold onto the highs during your low phase and pray that they retun to you.... if you're deserving enough they will return ... similar to the phrase about love .
Patience and letting go of the notion of ulteriority is the key...according to me.. to a not just a good life but a great life. Its worked for me before but ever sonce i've moved to bombay i cant seem to channel my pent up emotions into a positive outcome and all i'm left with is an impatient, supersensitive shell who cant cope with the omnipresent and ever-prevailing irritaton. I guess its the after math of being surrounded by girls all day in the hostel. i posses absolutely no regrets or complaints but i need some kind of divine intervention to get over this PHASE.
Which brings me back to the question...."Why does everything have to change?'" Couldn't there be a comfortable phase that we could all get stuck in without any alteration.

Back in INDIA.... the real world??

Well Sri Lanka is beautiful this time of the year.... the hills, the smell of tea saturating the air every second of every day, the ability of being a foreingner in a land so similar to your own and the highlight of my trip..... my absolute new found love for a certain natural phenomenon called "WATERFALLS".... Tonnes of them springing up from every nook and cranny of the fluid impregnated hills, as we made our way up to kandy and newara elia. Beauty at its second best as i put it.... second to the english country side of course but sri lanka presented me with something i can never compare to the fields of stratford-on-avon... and waterfalls definately add to sri lanka's score sheet!
As we landed in Hyderabad, over shooting the colourful brigade of rockets and other fireworks that serve to represent the festival of diwali ...i realised that no matter where life takes me or which nation's emblem is stamped onto my passport, it's the place i call home that moulds me the most. I will learn several lessons and frame mental images as i walk through life away from home that will affect the way i live at home and vice versa and yet i choose to ignore my past in order to create my "ideal future". In the process i miss the present .... taking the memories that will soon be lost as vague recollections that prop up whenever i stumble upon something remotely familiar. I can't seem to remember details of events in my life that i have lived and once enjoyed or detested, in fact i'm beginning to loose sight of the larger picture too and what has replaced them are these distorted, semi-true markers. Too bad I didnt start blogging earlier... !!

It sucks to have been trying so hard to control every piece of your life... contemplating and evaluating the consequences of actions that still remain untaken.. it leaves this acrid taste in my mouth after it hits me that i just missed the future that i spent hours planning once upon a time......

I guess stories that end with once upon a time dont equate happily ever after .....

The End.